Please return

My laughter joined you when you died. It died with you. I tried to find it; form strangers on the alleyways, children in the playground, watching as much Stand Up Comedy at the IMPROV, but to no avail. You took it with you a week of Thanksgiving, 2010.

I spent the whole of last year looking for it, underneath my bed, swimming in the ocean, even went to Seward, but there was only fog and rain, and expensive fish n chips. Maybe it was because I had Death as my ally, my compatriot, my closest friend all year long. 11 is supposed to be my lucky number or maybe Laughter just doesn't like being around Death whatsoever. I mean, have you ever heard of people laughing at a funeral. I did, an uncomfortable one because I had to arrange yours with everyone there that December, which was kind of fucked up because December is supposed to be my birth month but instead had to spend the whole month planning your flowers, your family, and all those who wanted to feel important because you were gone even if they haven't talked to you in years or if they did, it was behind your back and salty like seaweed.

I've even forgotten how it looks like, I only remember when you did it, which was more often than not; at the Bonaventure, Ruen Pair, the beach even the Prop. 8 rally.
It was everywhere, and now I go back to the same spot, even the exact time of day when we ate, but someone else shows up: Tears. Fucking tears visits me so much; when I run, listening to someone, watching a movie and even on a date. Word of advise, nobody wants to bring Tears with you on a first date. They want you to bring Laughter; fictionalized as it may seem, it's still better than bringing Tears. That's just depressing, unless you go with someone who brings their own Tears with them. But who wants that?

So, I know you're there, listen to me. It's a new year, it's 2012, dragon year. I should at least have an ounce of laughter sometime during this year. I'll take it one dose at a time; maybe on Valentine's or Memorial Day but definitely Christmas. I'd like Laughter there with me this Christmas. Bring Snow too if you like. There's nothing like Snow and Laughter in Los Angeles where people can just be so cold with Tears on a leash with them at the grocery store.